I'm Sad... :(

The saddest part of being a parent like me is that I am unable to understand my own kid. I have difficulties in communicating with them. I struggle as much as I could to figure out on the things they are trying to tell me.

Scenario 1 :
We were in the bus to Langkawi, Kakak asked me for “shaw”. I was like, what is “shaw”. I totally have no idea. As for Kakak, she always has to get the things she wanted, no matter what. I asked her several times, but she keeps on repeating “shaw”, “shaw” and “shaw”. I don’t know what else to say. Kakak started to cry histerically. I asked for my mother’s help, even she could not understand. Finally, we saw Dedek holding a straw. It made us see that it could be the straw that she wants. We gave the straw to her and she stops crying. Yupp, it was the straw indeed.

It took us few minutes to put it all together. We had to look around at the surroundings for some clues. Sometimes, it is very difficult for me to control my anger, at times I will just raise my voice or in other word, yell at her, but it doesn’t seem to work. She totally ignored me.

Scenario 2 :
I was driving my kids to school. Routinely, Dedek will sit in front, next to me and Kakak sits at the back. Dedek seldom sits. She would normally stands and lean on the seat instead. However, when I do turnings I am afraid that she might fall. Thus, I would tell her to sit. Being Dedek, she do not listens and continued standing. As for Kakak, she cannot tolerate such things. When Dedek did not sit as I told her too, Kakak starts to mimic me, by telling her sister to sit down. Levelheadedly, Dedek remains standing. Kakak cannot endure another second. Thus, it leads to Kakak crying, pulling my shirt and nags me all the way just to force Dedek to sit. And, I will again starts screaming and yelling at her. HELLO! I am driving and I need to concentrate on the road.

I never had the intention to yell and scream at her, but it was the only thing to do in those unspeakable and crucial times. I was running out of way to deal with it and I was unable to think sensibly. During the time, the only thing I want to do is just to reach the school safely. What was I to do?

Scenario 3 :
I am preparing dinner after a tiring and long day at work. While waiting for the meal to be ready, Dedek will first asked for snacks. FYI, I have to be prepared with lots of snacks at all times. At the busiest, Dedek will keep on coming and asking for more and more and more snacks. And if I notice that she have consumed quite a lot, I will stop giving her. On that particular time, she will cry as loud and as long as she can. She would only stop when she finally vomited. I tried my best to deal with the situation patiently, then again after the second and third vomit, my hands easily slaps her thigh.

I know I shouldn’t because it is not as if it is her doings. Moreover, she don’t know anything, she understand nothing. I am the one with brains to think and act wisely, I should be able to find out a way to deal with it and not just let my anger out on her.

*sigh*