December 04, 2006

Simply Rips My Heart

It was very late at night. I was very sleepy. Both Kakak and Dedek were wide awake. I was so tired. I really need to sleep. As usual, Kakak and Dedek were making so much noise and so much fuss. However, that night they were both extremely hyper unlike other normal days. But, that night as well, I somehow didn’t have the strength to scream and yell at them.

As other nights, I would change their diapers before all of us go to bed. Changing their diapers, are not as easy as it looks especially Kakak. That night, when I was on the verge of changing her diapers, she kicked me real hard on the tummy. It hurts although, it is still something bearable but, I don’t know why, I break into tears.

Sometimes, I really don’t know which hurts me the most. Did I cry because the pain after being kicked by her? Or was it, the hurt and the pain of knowing ‘my kid was just different’? Or it could actually be both?

I ended up crying until I fell asleep.

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